Ugh!

from the mundane to the mundane and back again

Whether fighting oil well fires in Texas as leader of the John Wayne Brigade or chefing up his famous “Grouse ala mode” for the extremely wealthy patrons of his Park Avenue restaurant L’entrail, this 48 year old daredevil and bon vivant leads a life of exciting excitement. A one man Algonquin table, his ribald tales of noble savagery will stick in your psyche like some peanut butter for your mind. Excelsior!

by Tim Cronin

  • I hate me part 786,146 - March 24, 2017
    I try to steer clear of unsolicited political discussions with customers, there’s no winners. A guy who’s been coming in for years, never talked politics but I figured he was extreme in his thinking. This was shortly after the election: Guy-Trump! Yeah gonna get things done! Me-I guess he is. Guy-Ya know Hillary…she just bad….bad……….bad……………..she’s [&hel […]
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  • I Hate Me 742,097 - March 23, 2017
    I was out walking the dog and this older couple was trying to parallel park. The guy was driving and the woman was on the sidewalk directing. It was a big old Buick and although they had enough space the angle at which the guy was coming in at spelled disaster. He was also driving [&hellip […]
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  • Message from the future ( a short play) - March 20, 2017
    The government trials after the “great robot revolution of 2035”: TRIAL OF ROBOT XDL34237P aka Dan Prosecutor: Robot XDL34237P it is reported that…. XDL34237P:…please call me Dan Prosecutor: ok…Dan…you have been accused with involvement in the plotting of the overthrow of the human race… Dan: woah…woah there… look I was a snack-cake-bot, all I did was [& […]
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  • I hate me part 732,071 - March 17, 2017
    Two loud talking knuckleheads seemingly altered by smoke or drink, one had a sideways baseball cap and the other had a modified ponytail/mullet: Dude, my phone is fuckin’ slow …yeah dude Dude..we need that fuckin’ pizza…can we still get the pizza deal? Dude, we gotta do it on line…an your fuckin’ phone sucks I know [&hellip […]
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  • Old Man Yells at Cloud - November 8, 2016
      I have been seeing variations on this shirt design for awhile now and it bothers me. The replacement of the letter “O” with the state of New Jersey. New Jersey looks nothing like an “O”.  If anything it slightly resembles an “8”. So if you wanted to make a shirt with “H (outline of [&hellip […]
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  • I Hate Me, part 632,007 - August 30, 2016
    It was Sunday 5pm, we were closing up, half the lights were off and we were locking the doors. A large guy steamed in, trailed by 3 toddlers and his wife. “We’re closing up now sir, if we can help you find something…” “I know what I want. I wanna pre-order the new Metallica” “I’m [&hellip […]
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  • I Hate me, part 619,924 - August 25, 2016
    Morning, I Was leaving the bank and walking back to my car, I was wearing my Jacks shirt “Hey, HEY! Red Bank Music…HEY” I left my phone in the car so I made a fist and held it to my ear, hopefully to the casual, far away ,half blind observer it might kind of look [&hellip […]
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  • I Hate Me, part 622,917 - July 22, 2016
    Last Saturday, hot day, phone call. Gruff, heavy breathing middle aged guy: Jacks Music, can I help you. -Hey!…I been out all goddamn day in this humid shit and now I’m inside and I’m callin’ YOU…Howyadoin? ..ok, so watchya need? -OK now here’s the thing….I LOVE Three Dog Night…LOVE ‘EM! I saw ‘em a bunch [&hellip […]
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  • Sawyer Brown: The album covers - July 1, 2016
      There are times at work that if I need a laugh I look through certain artists cd sections. Mid eighties country artists are some of my favorites. It was a time when the country/mainstream/pop crossover thing had just started. Many of these bands delivered the expected goods musically but image-wise they didn’t deliver and [&hellip […]
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  • I Hate Me, part 620,996 - June 30, 2016
    Walked into a nearby 7-11 to get some coffee. It was late afternoon, there was a malfunctioning Slurpee machine that was making a constant loud kerrrrrCHUNK…kerrrrCHUNK noise like it was the soundtrack for a David Lynch movie. The only other customer was this guy who was talking on his bluetooth loudly and only saying one [&hellip […]
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